3 Things My Toddler Taught Me (That No Course Ever Did)
Three things no course, book or performance review ever taught me: be present, be intentional, and stay calm when a tiny human is very much not calm.
An opening note
Some days my emotions swing back and forth like a pendulum. One minute it’s bedtime and my toddler is refusing to sleep (again). The next, I’m mid-run on the treadmill and he suddenly needs me to bring him EVERYTHING. And I can’t exactly hit pause in the middle of my run, can I?
Before I had a child, I honestly thought I was a pretty patient and organised person. I’m a UX designer, after all. I plan things, I map journeys, I write down my assumptions. But boy, was I wrong.
It turns out the most demanding “user” I’ve ever designed for is under one metre tall, doesn’t read my documentation, and changes requirements every five minutes (sound familiar, fellow designers?).
So here are three things parenthood has taught me so far. Not as an expert, just as a mama figuring it out one day at a time.
1. Mindfulness: being here, not just being around
One afternoon I was working on a personal project. No client, no boss, no deadline except the ones I set for myself. Then my just-turned-2-year-old looked at me and said, “You are always on your phone.” (He meant my laptop, but let’s not get technical.)
Ouch. That one stung, because he wasn’t wrong.
Toddlers can tell. They don’t care whether it’s work, a side project or “just one quick email”. They only know whether I’m with them or not.
What surprised me is how much this changed me outside parenting too. Being fully present for a 15-minute play session felt more meaningful than an hour of half-attention. Quality over quantity, as cliché as that sounds.
What I learned:
- Put the screen away (properly). Not face down on the table. In another room, if I can.
- Notice the small stuff. The way they stack blocks, the new word they try. These moments pass so fast.
- Presence is a skill. I’m not naturally good at it. I’m just practising more, because I have a very honest little teacher.
2. Being intentional: designing our days on purpose
On days when I don’t plan anything, he just wanders around aimlessly and plays with his favourite toys. Nothing wrong with that, honestly. But I’d still end those days feeling bad, like I was missing out on this golden period when his brain can absorb almost anything.
Before baby, I could drift through a weekend and it was fine. Now, with a toddler’s naps, meals and energy levels to think about, a day without intention very quickly becomes a day of chaos (and a very cranky mama).
This is where my designer brain kicked in. I started treating our routines like a user journey: what does my little one need at each point of the day, and where are the friction points?
What I learned:
- Fewer, better choices. Not every toy, class or activity. Just the ones that actually fit where they are developmentally.
- Plan the shape, not every minute. A loose rhythm (play, eat, rest, outside) works better than a strict schedule.
- Intention applies to me too. What do I want to model? How I speak, how I spend my time, how I treat others. They’re always watching.
Being intentional doesn’t mean doing more. It means choosing on purpose.
3. Patience: regulating myself before I can calm them
I was deep in my project when he woke up from his nap. Groggy, grumpy, and crying about anything and everything. In that moment I kept repeating one line to myself: he still doesn’t understand his own emotions yet.
Let’s be real, toddler meltdowns test every ounce of patience I have. The crying, the floor-flopping, the “NO!” on repeat. My first instinct used to be to fix it fast, or (on a tired day) to get frustrated right back.
But here’s the thing I slowly figured out: a toddler can’t calm down from a storm if I’m also a storm. Their little brains are still learning to handle big feelings. They borrow our calm before they can build their own.
What I learned:
- Calm me first. A deep breath, lowering my voice, getting down to their eye level. It sounds simple. It is not easy.
- Name the feeling. “You’re still sleepy and that feels yucky, huh?” It doesn’t stop the tears instantly, but it helps them feel understood.
- It’s okay to not get it right every time. Some days I lose my cool. Then I say sorry, and that becomes a lesson too.
Man, I know this can be hard, especially on days with little sleep. But every meltdown I get through calmly feels like a small win, for both of us.
So, what’s the takeaway?
I went into parenthood thinking I’d be the one doing all the teaching. Turns out I’m the one getting schooled, daily.
→ Mindfulness taught me to show up.
→ Intention taught me to choose on purpose.
→ Patience taught me to calm myself first.
I’m still very much a work in progress (aren’t we all?). I’m only sharing my own experience here, not a manual, because every child and every family is different.
Thanks for reading this far. If parenthood has taught you something unexpected too, reply below and help a fellow mama out :)
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